Salut les innombrables!
The other day i bought a crab at the market. i LOVE crabs. i felt adventurous and i thought i deserved it. I’d eat my whole crab all to myself in my sunny garden. Yay.
So i made myself a nice little plate filled with raw favorites -fenel, carrots, and.. nothing else. I beat the egg yolk + mustard + lemon + olive oil to make my own delicious mayonnaise. I put the big fat crab on a nice little plate. Pat myself on the back for owning a crab-legs-cracker. Red. Nice! I put on my green fluorescent radio with some brilliant thing to hear on, sat down, took a deep perfumed breath, smiled…. and CRACKed! The crab open. Well not the whole of it, just one leg.
-here, vegan friends, i know you hate me as much as i do love crab meat. Sorry. Please consider myself as a lost person but you know in real life i’m kind and fun to be around. And please stop reading. Please. Do. For real. Now.
The crab was not cooked.
It was R.A.W!
Having spent time on the seashore, i assumed any non-moving crab on a market stall was, obviously, dead. Therefore it was, obviously, cooked. Am i stupid or what? Who would have known? You don’t buy dead raw crabs! You don’t! This just doesn’t exist!
But you can buy sleeping crabs. Maybe.
Oh well, let’s say mine was bored to death on a parisian market stall, and that is why i fooled myself. Let’s say that.
What did i do? Run to my computer of course: Asked the Almighty Interweb: Do you die once you’ve eaten a mouthful of raw crab meat? Out of a bored to death crab in Paris?
Guess what? The Almighty Interweb answered: Some would pay billions to eat why you’re still hesitating to swallow, girl. So i did. Swallow the said mouthfull. And it tasted better than….. Most of the best things you’ve eaten so far. Like better than caviar. See?
Well, i wasn’t feeling so sure about the Almighty Interweb’s answer, still, and i still remembered my past life as a seashore girl, when my dad (or some other know-all-giant) told me you never ever ever buy a dead uncooked crab, let alone eat it. You never buy dead crabs at all. It’s so freaking easy, girl, to cook that one. Buy it raw and moving, and cook it yourself. A.L.W.A.Y.S
So i learned right away how to cook a crab. It IS freaking easy. It was delicious after all. But i swear had i known, that crab would have gone asleep or dead in someone else’s basket. You never ever buy an un-moving crab, end of the story!